I don’t know how many of you have read my “about” page. If you think my blog is all over the place, you might want to click here and check out my plan for this blog. I have a lot of topics in mind I want talk about.
One I have been thinking about a lot lately and wanting to write about is diet. Although, I hate the word diet. What I actually want to talk about is food and weight issues. I had a whole blog devoted to this last year called “Finding Freedom in Eating Under Control.”
I have dealt with issues with food and body image for as far back as I can remember. I have not always been overweight but I at least always thought I was. (This is probably very common for little girls and is where some of the issues come from.)
Over the past six years or so I have put a lot of thought and prayer into my struggle and have overcome most of it. I think what I have found recently, which might be the last piece of my puzzle, is that I will always be capable of going back to my old ways. At any time, I can easily gain ten pounds (or more!?) I think I got to a point where I really thought I knew everything about my struggle. I was healed, cured! But something switched in my head and I went back to my old ways.
The old ways I am talking about are where food has control over me. It is a place I hate to be. It is literally as if I have an on/off switch in my head. When the switch is off, I go out of control with food. When the switch is off, I don’t enjoy food as much. I feel bad about myself, I may look the same but in my mind I have blown up like a blowfish.
It maybe even be worse since I have professed publically (through blogging etc) that I have got this thing figured out! So it’s hard to go back and say, well actually, I am still struggling.
This morning my pastor ended his sermon talking about something I have always identified with and connected with my personal food battle. 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
What does this mean? For me in this situation, when I become confident in my own strength, I slip. I stop depending on the Lord. He is the one who has brought me so far through this battle. Every time I start to think, “I’ve got this, there is no way I’d go back to my old ways” I fall.
So here’s what I’m going to do. First and foremost, I am turning this over to the Lord and giving it up it to Him. And this starts now as I post this. Then, I am going to go back through my old blog and start posting here some of the things I learned last year. I am also going to start posting clean eating recipes here. Clean eating has been the food key for me as far as weight-loss is concerned, but this whole thing is a lot more about how I think about food then actually what kind of food I am eating.
This is an exiting time for me to do this. Tomorrow I begin and 18 week training program for my first full marathon (or at least the first one I will train for and plan to run the whole way.)
I have come so close to finishing my weight-loss journey but I have continued to yo-yo.
Here are my goals which will help me reach my ultimate goal #5
1) Continue to work on the mental aspects of food/body image issues
2) Eat 80-90% clean and include 3 PIs a week (planned indulgences)
3) Eat within my clean eating calorie allotment and track my food
4) Follow my full marathon training schedule and incorporate short burst strength training
5) Be at my goal weight by my birthday (April 28) This will mean losing 20 pounds.